When an Ex-Spouse Is Making Things Difficult for You

Divorce Lawyers

Divorce tends to bring out the very worst in some people, and your soon-to-be ex spouse may be one of them. Your ex may be justifying their behavior because they are hurt feelings about the separation. But using lies and deception as part of their reaction to what is going on around them not only complicates divorce, but makes everyone’s lives who are involved in it more difficult. As experienced divorce lawyers can explain, engaging with spouses who are committed to making your life miserable can make divorce drag on and cause more harm than is necessary. 

Your divorce lawyer cannot change how your spouse chooses to behave, since no one can truly control another’s reaction. But there are tips to consider to help protect your wellbeing and legal interests. 

Firstly, avoid arguments with your ex partner at all costs, particularly for contentious issues such as visitation and child custody. When communicating with them, use politeness as if you are business associates. Be skeptical about their promises and facts that they bring to your attention. Stick to what your lawyer has informed and advised you to do. Expect your spouse to resent not just you, but your lawyer as well. If needed, change your usernames, service providers, and passwords so that your messages, emails, and other content are protected. Frequently check your credit report to confirm that your spouse has not purposefully incurred more debt to purposefully cause financial hardship for you. 

Furthermore, consider getting a post office box to safeguard your important mail, and do not give out information to any parties involved with your spouse without first consulting with your lawyer. Don’t attempt to sign or negotiate without first recruiting help from a legal team, and only communicate with your spouse unless necessary. Your lawyer can be the middle person between you and them or their legal team, so that there is less direct interaction for you to deal with. 

Having someone who used to be your closest ally suddenly turn against you is one of the most challenging things to encounter. Your spouse probably knows you well, knows what button to push, and how to punish you by taking certain actions. In addition to getting help from a lawyer, find ways to manage your stress in a healthy way. Talk about your feelings with trusted loved ones, stay physically active, spend time engaging in your favored interests, avoid destructive behaviors, avoid making hasty decisions, set aside time for fun, and keep your expectations low when it comes to your spouse changing their behavior. If they are dedicated to making your life harder than it needs to be, then don’t hesitate to have a lawyer intervene so that you are protected from harassment. During a period of change, the last thing you need is a spouse who refuses to let you move on without creating intentional hardships.